While the rain outside is refilling the streams, preparing the earth for the life of Spring, there’s rain inside me too. In the midst of missing my past and longing for clarity of the future, seeds of hope are forming roots in the soil of my soul. These words written by Ellie Holcomb remind me that God’s faithfulness to his people thousands of years ago still exists for His people today.
We will sing to our souls/ We won’t bury our hope
Where He leads us to go/ There’s a Red Sea road
When we can’t see the way/ He will part the waves
And we’ll never walk alone/ Down the Red Sea road
How can we trust/ When You say You will deliver us
From all of this pain/ That threatens to take over us
Well, this desert’s dry/ But the ocean may consume
And we’re scared to follow You
Oh help us believe/ You are faithful, you’re faithful
When our hearts are breaking/ You are faithful, You’re faithful
You’ll grant us eyes to see/ You are faithful, You’re faithful
Teach us to sing/ You are faithful, You’re faithful
If I could have my way, I’d make enough money to live independently by equipping and encouraging parents of special needs and traumatized children and still have lots of time off to find my own refilling in the solitude and struggle of backpacking adventures. I would live in the midst of the dear friends back in Sweet Home Alabama, but still have my current community. Mossy would live closer and I would see him more often. Those are my dreams that often feel buried in a grave I must leave behind.
And yet, pieces are coming together, and a picture of hope is forming. Winter is still concealing life under the surface, but a garden is growing nonetheless. My love of teaching children is coming back to life, and I’m considering renewing my teaching certification. I would have summers off to fill myself up out on the mountain tops. I’m a 5 hour drive from the boy who is constantly in my heart and thoughts. The trip is not as short as I’d like, but it’s doable once a month. I’ve been given the privilege to work part time with an organization whose sole focus is to come alongside families affected by mental and behavioral health struggles. Though I am not close to all the people I love dearly, I am blessed with a small and dear community of friends who love me in such tangible ways.
I’m not sure how it will all come together, which drives a planner like myself crazy, but I trust that there is a Red Sea Road.